Perhaps it was naïve, but we did expect to see some mention of investments in the latest Agenda of the Excellent Audit Committee. Down at the Dog & Duck we reckon that a cock-up of Icelandic proportions deserves at least a teeny-weeny little mention.
Under Reports, however, there is a thing called "Risk Management Update".
"Ach sooo! Zey vill haff hidden it here!" Said Albert Einstein confidently (Al's an Accountant, remember, so he knows about this stuff).
Anyway, we clicked away on the Dog & Duck computer, and lo and behold .... nothing. We found all sorts of Excellence, and discovered that SCC has lots of people called "Risk Management Champions", and plenty of other fancy talk and coloured matrices (hey! we can do colour too - look: ICELAND IRELAND ENGLAND).
But on the subject of investments or bank deposits or the like - a truly deafening silence.
However, let it not be said that Roger & Co. have passed up an opportunity to rub our noses in it. For this is the moment they chose to unveil something called the SCC Risk Management Standard, describing it as "a new addition to the Risk Management Toolkit"....
Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, counties like Leicestershire have what they call "a prudent investment policy". And in February of this year, North West Leicestershire District Council took £6.5 million out of Icelandic banks, because they thought it wasn't safe.
Now, what was Roger doing back in February 2008? Oh yes, I remember! He was feeding spaghetti to a pirate that had boarded Spaceship Somerset and was forcing everyone worship his monster.
Friday 31 October 2008
Wednesday 29 October 2008
I told you he had balls!
Just in case anyone thought that Jonesy was considering curtailing his career in pubic squeaking ... just have a look at what he has let himself in for on 17th February 2009!
Now, in case I need to remind anyone, we are paying for all this. So I hope everyone will be taking a close interest in the second ever "Annual Public Sector Transformation Summit".
It has been confirmed that Jonesy will be sharing our experience of "using joint ventures to drive service transformation".
This will involve "determining how JV’s can bring about significant procurement savings", and "exploring the transformation initiatives that have benefited from a joint venture framework".
Hopefully the outcomes will be shared with us, and may help to clear up some of the confusion.
In the meantime, we regulars down at the Dog & Duck will be doing our best to articulate that confusion. Who knows - maybe some Public Sector Transformer will appear at the bar, as if by magic, to inform our debate?
And maybe one or more of the debaters will appear at the Conference in London next February with a few troublesome details for Jonesy to clear up!
Now, in case I need to remind anyone, we are paying for all this. So I hope everyone will be taking a close interest in the second ever "Annual Public Sector Transformation Summit".
It has been confirmed that Jonesy will be sharing our experience of "using joint ventures to drive service transformation".
This will involve "determining how JV’s can bring about significant procurement savings", and "exploring the transformation initiatives that have benefited from a joint venture framework".
Hopefully the outcomes will be shared with us, and may help to clear up some of the confusion.
In the meantime, we regulars down at the Dog & Duck will be doing our best to articulate that confusion. Who knows - maybe some Public Sector Transformer will appear at the bar, as if by magic, to inform our debate?
And maybe one or more of the debaters will appear at the Conference in London next February with a few troublesome details for Jonesy to clear up!
Thursday 23 October 2008
Excellent News from Sheffield!
It looks like yet another Council was not too busy waffling on about Excellence to do one of those risk assessment things.
Sheffield had £12 million in Iceland, but moved it out a year ago because they thought it was not safe. That would have been around the time Alan was in Venice, going on about getting rid of Organisational Terrorists.
As for me - it looks like I have to eat my words about Northern Councils!
Sheffield had £12 million in Iceland, but moved it out a year ago because they thought it was not safe. That would have been around the time Alan was in Venice, going on about getting rid of Organisational Terrorists.
As for me - it looks like I have to eat my words about Northern Councils!
Sunday 19 October 2008
Roger’s Risk Assessment
Apparently not all Local Authorities are stupid. Like Somerset, East Northamptonshire Council had a load of cash stashed away in Iceland. Then they did this thing called “a risk management assessment of what was going on.” As a result their Leader was able to say "That means we didn't lose any money.”
What was Roger doing at the time? Oh yes, I remember. He was acting the part of Corporate Director of Resources, which involved
1) faffing about with groundbreaking initiatives;
1a) an enormous paycheck;
2) babbling on about Excellence;
2a) an even bigger paycheck;
3) authorising payments of £140,000;
3a) an absolutely gi-normous paycheck; and
4) Heaven only knows what else
(possibly involving brown envelopes full of £50 notes).
Then of course there was this §151 business. A little bird (naughty little bird!) told me that Roger’s Risk Assessment went something like this:
Christ! There’s all this shit going down in Taunton, and here’s poor little me acting as a §151 officer! And then there are all those things I am supposed to be §151ing. But Alan glares at me just for thinking it. And I can see him thinking and wondering if I’m an Organisational Terrorist and snarling something in my direction about how its time we had a permanent Corporate Director and did I really want to risk seeing the job “advertised externally”? And that is a risk I am not prepared to take so I better just shut up and who needs a business case anyway? So as Alan says I better focus on the big picture and important things like how to write big words in small spaces, like the words “Twenty-Five Million, One Hundred and Forty Thousand Pounds only” in that tiny little space on a Somerset County Council cheque. And if I use a biro there’s less risk to the Council that someone will alter the cheque when it gets lost. And that’s about all of §151 that any actor can take.
Anyway the Guardians and Verifiers of Excellence have also thrown millions away. So Somerset County Council were not the only ones who were too busy with Excellence to bother with “a risk management assessment of what was going on.”
And if that is Excellence, then God help Somerset when Jonesy & Co. drag us beyond it!
What was Roger doing at the time? Oh yes, I remember. He was acting the part of Corporate Director of Resources, which involved
1) faffing about with groundbreaking initiatives;
1a) an enormous paycheck;
2) babbling on about Excellence;
2a) an even bigger paycheck;
3) authorising payments of £140,000;
3a) an absolutely gi-normous paycheck; and
4) Heaven only knows what else
(possibly involving brown envelopes full of £50 notes).
Then of course there was this §151 business. A little bird (naughty little bird!) told me that Roger’s Risk Assessment went something like this:
Christ! There’s all this shit going down in Taunton, and here’s poor little me acting as a §151 officer! And then there are all those things I am supposed to be §151ing. But Alan glares at me just for thinking it. And I can see him thinking and wondering if I’m an Organisational Terrorist and snarling something in my direction about how its time we had a permanent Corporate Director and did I really want to risk seeing the job “advertised externally”? And that is a risk I am not prepared to take so I better just shut up and who needs a business case anyway? So as Alan says I better focus on the big picture and important things like how to write big words in small spaces, like the words “Twenty-Five Million, One Hundred and Forty Thousand Pounds only” in that tiny little space on a Somerset County Council cheque. And if I use a biro there’s less risk to the Council that someone will alter the cheque when it gets lost. And that’s about all of §151 that any actor can take.
Anyway the Guardians and Verifiers of Excellence have also thrown millions away. So Somerset County Council were not the only ones who were too busy with Excellence to bother with “a risk management assessment of what was going on.”
And if that is Excellence, then God help Somerset when Jonesy & Co. drag us beyond it!
Thursday 16 October 2008
Organisational Terrorism in the spotlight again
Nice to see that the Beeb (radio 4 no less) and the Man are taking an interest in how to create Excellence.
Famous OTs being unmasked and hopefully getting their just desserts include Paul Van Buitenen (nice pseudonym Paul - but just a teeny weeny bit obvious innit?) and Sherron Watkins. Both of them feature in the hall of shame referred to in the story about Somerset's War on Terror.
But I would not like to have to clean Jonesy's underpants if anyone raises this at today's lunch in Frome! It is one thing swanking and bullshitting in front of a bunch of foreigners in Venice, quite another to risk facing your victims direct. (Whether they like it or not, Frome is still in Somerset, just about.)
It's like a voluntary form of restorative justice. Whatever complaints there may be about Jones - you have to admit he's got balls!
Famous OTs being unmasked and hopefully getting their just desserts include Paul Van Buitenen (nice pseudonym Paul - but just a teeny weeny bit obvious innit?) and Sherron Watkins. Both of them feature in the hall of shame referred to in the story about Somerset's War on Terror.
But I would not like to have to clean Jonesy's underpants if anyone raises this at today's lunch in Frome! It is one thing swanking and bullshitting in front of a bunch of foreigners in Venice, quite another to risk facing your victims direct. (Whether they like it or not, Frome is still in Somerset, just about.)
It's like a voluntary form of restorative justice. Whatever complaints there may be about Jones - you have to admit he's got balls!
Thursday 9 October 2008
Somerset's Darkest Days
I try not to blog when my sense of humour has failed. But today, today has to become an exception.
First, a rumour that Mr. Buchanan may be innocent. There is however no confirmation of this on the Council's website. In any normal Local Authority, the news that a leading Councillor has been cleared by the Standards Board would be something to celebrate. In Somerset's darkest days we wonder whether it will even be reported. Give it time? Maybe.
But as they say in the land of Excellence, "let's park that one". It has been trumped.
There is no easy way to say this. Somerset County Council invested £25 million of our money in Icelandic banks.
In confirming this figure, the Leader of the Council is alleged by the BBC to have said "...the money represented 2.5% of the overall portfolio..." and "...the authority had always tried to be prudent and spread investments..."
£4,000,000 a year on spin, and that is the best they can come up with?
Let's re-spin it.
"2.5%"? That means the Council is sitting on £1,000,000,000 of our money (yes, nine "zeros"). That is more than £5,000 for each household. Why in the name of Alan Jones have they been putting the Council Tax up every year?
"spreading investments"? Iceland makes up 0.003% of the world's population. Somerset's investment represented £100 for every member of that population. An equivalent investment in the banking system of the United Kingdom would amount to £6,500,000,000. If every Council in the UK made a similar investment it would come to £820,000,000,000. The Financial Crisis would be over.
"prudent"? It makes you wonder where they've put the other £975,000,000 that they took from Somerset's Council Tax Payers.
Where was Roger Kershaw when BCCI went tits up? Obviously not learning any lessons. And the country wasn't even a couple of years into a credit crunch at the time (yes, "experts" reckon it started well over a year ago, but Taunton clearly did not notice).
Other councils have also been stupid and have lost money. But I don't care about other councils. They are not cramming Excellence down my throat and bringing Stars to my eyes. They are not fleecing me for the privilege of being subject to their fantasies. And as for the Plus ....
First, a rumour that Mr. Buchanan may be innocent. There is however no confirmation of this on the Council's website. In any normal Local Authority, the news that a leading Councillor has been cleared by the Standards Board would be something to celebrate. In Somerset's darkest days we wonder whether it will even be reported. Give it time? Maybe.
But as they say in the land of Excellence, "let's park that one". It has been trumped.
There is no easy way to say this. Somerset County Council invested £25 million of our money in Icelandic banks.
In confirming this figure, the Leader of the Council is alleged by the BBC to have said "...the money represented 2.5% of the overall portfolio..." and "...the authority had always tried to be prudent and spread investments..."
£4,000,000 a year on spin, and that is the best they can come up with?
Let's re-spin it.
"2.5%"? That means the Council is sitting on £1,000,000,000 of our money (yes, nine "zeros"). That is more than £5,000 for each household. Why in the name of Alan Jones have they been putting the Council Tax up every year?
"spreading investments"? Iceland makes up 0.003% of the world's population. Somerset's investment represented £100 for every member of that population. An equivalent investment in the banking system of the United Kingdom would amount to £6,500,000,000. If every Council in the UK made a similar investment it would come to £820,000,000,000. The Financial Crisis would be over.
"prudent"? It makes you wonder where they've put the other £975,000,000 that they took from Somerset's Council Tax Payers.
Where was Roger Kershaw when BCCI went tits up? Obviously not learning any lessons. And the country wasn't even a couple of years into a credit crunch at the time (yes, "experts" reckon it started well over a year ago, but Taunton clearly did not notice).
Other councils have also been stupid and have lost money. But I don't care about other councils. They are not cramming Excellence down my throat and bringing Stars to my eyes. They are not fleecing me for the privilege of being subject to their fantasies. And as for the Plus ....
Wednesday 8 October 2008
Somerset's War on Terror
Jonesy has repeatedly congratulated himself, at home and abroad, for his success in the War on Organisational Terror.
So who is this “enemy within”? What organisations have they terrorised? What did they do, or say, or write, that terrified their victims?
Even the most incompetent Googler will quickly work out that Organisational Terrorists did not come into being purely to interfere with Jonesy’s delusions of Excellence.
In fact this evil breed has been active since the beginning of time. The second person in history, and the very first woman ever invented, was also the first Organisational Terrorist. She upset the applecart in Eden (NB: the Garden of Eden was officially recognised as the world’s first “Excellent” organisation in the year 6000 B.C.).
Eve threatened to tell God about what she and the Man got up to behind the bike shed, so the Man got rid of her by feeding her to a serpent. It didn’t cost the Garden of Eden £140,000. In fact, it didn’t cost anything – there’s a thought!
More recently another lady, Karen Silkwood, asked all sorts of unhelpful questions. The victim was a Nuclear Technology Organisation. In accordance with the principles of sincerity that underpin Excellence, the Organisation earnestly welcomed these questions. Then she was killed.
So who is this “enemy within”? What organisations have they terrorised? What did they do, or say, or write, that terrified their victims?
Even the most incompetent Googler will quickly work out that Organisational Terrorists did not come into being purely to interfere with Jonesy’s delusions of Excellence.
In fact this evil breed has been active since the beginning of time. The second person in history, and the very first woman ever invented, was also the first Organisational Terrorist. She upset the applecart in Eden (NB: the Garden of Eden was officially recognised as the world’s first “Excellent” organisation in the year 6000 B.C.).
Eve threatened to tell God about what she and the Man got up to behind the bike shed, so the Man got rid of her by feeding her to a serpent. It didn’t cost the Garden of Eden £140,000. In fact, it didn’t cost anything – there’s a thought!
More recently another lady, Karen Silkwood, asked all sorts of unhelpful questions. The victim was a Nuclear Technology Organisation. In accordance with the principles of sincerity that underpin Excellence, the Organisation earnestly welcomed these questions. Then she was killed.
As Jonesy said in Venice "It is important to get rid of these people.”
And it’s not just women, or foreigners. In fact the OTs have their own Hall of Shame!
Thursday 2 October 2008
Council Tax REBATES! Hurray!
Last night I caught up with Albert Einstein down at the Dog & Duck.
As you may recall he was last seen scratching his head over Jonesy's sums, and in particular the famous (now infamous) £200,000,000 that IBM is going to save Somerset over the next 10 years.
Apparently Jonesy's confirmation via the LGC that the discount rate should be zero (uh?) has thrown Albert's previous calculations into disarray. He is now one mightily pissed off famous mathematical genius.
However, I went out to join the smokers in the rain, and borrowed a fag packet to do some maths the old fashioned way.
It is confusing with all those zeros, but when you take the £200 million, and divide it by the 190,000 Somerset Council Tax Payers, you get ...... £1,052.63. Blimey! Now divide that by another 10 (for the 10 years), and what do you get?
Yippee!!! We're all gonna get a rebate of £105.26 at the end of the year! That's more than Gordon Brown gave us last month!
We'll be having a drink on that tonight.
As you may recall he was last seen scratching his head over Jonesy's sums, and in particular the famous (now infamous) £200,000,000 that IBM is going to save Somerset over the next 10 years.
Apparently Jonesy's confirmation via the LGC that the discount rate should be zero (uh?) has thrown Albert's previous calculations into disarray. He is now one mightily pissed off famous mathematical genius.
However, I went out to join the smokers in the rain, and borrowed a fag packet to do some maths the old fashioned way.
It is confusing with all those zeros, but when you take the £200 million, and divide it by the 190,000 Somerset Council Tax Payers, you get ...... £1,052.63. Blimey! Now divide that by another 10 (for the 10 years), and what do you get?
Yippee!!! We're all gonna get a rebate of £105.26 at the end of the year! That's more than Gordon Brown gave us last month!
We'll be having a drink on that tonight.
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