SCC has its own version of the Dog & Duck. They call it the "Scrutiny Committee" and it met on 6th January 2009.
As a gesture of solidarity, we bought them each a calculator for Christmas, using the extra money that we're going to have thanks to the massive reduction in Somerset council tax expected this year. And it looks like it worked, too! This is what the committee was told:
the £25m had been invested as 5 separate deposits of £5m each
i.e. 5x5=25!
Not even Albert Einstein could argue with that one, even if he is too thick to understand that 140+17=200.
Daffer Jones, who knows all about sailing close to the wind in the North Atlantic, said that he wouldn't have been surprised if there had been 25 deposits of £5million each.
After all, using Jonesy's innovative mathematical methods (patented by IBM), this might also come to a mere £25 million.
Showing posts with label ICElandish Excellence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ICElandish Excellence. Show all posts
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Monday, 15 December 2008
Incompetent Auditors?
More in hope than expectation, we had a quick look at the latest minutes of the Excellent Audit Committee last night.
You see, these were the minutes of the first meeting of this committee since Somerset County Council achieved its latest distinction. That is, the National Award for tossing away more taxpayers' money in Iceland than any other LibDem run Council in the whole country.
In fact, they threw away two-and-a-half times more than their closest rival for this prestigious trophy. The runners up, Cambridge, only lost a measly nine million - even less than the Audit Commission.
Needless to say there was no hint of apology or humble pie or embarassment. In fact once again there was absolutely no mention of Iceland at all.
There was, however, an astonishing crypto-criticism of ... wait for it ... the very same Audit Commission!
It went like this "... both Members and Officers expressed disappointment that the external auditors findings had been received in such proximity to the 30 September deadline ..."
Apparently this meant that " ... the nature of the discussion at the September meeting could have create (sic.) a poor perception if members of the public had been in attendance ..."
Hmm. A poor perception of what, exactly? Are they trying to say it's a good job none of us ignorant yokels were at the meeting, because they did something wrong, and the auditors actually noticed? That would be a first!
Anyway, before anyone starts cracking jokes about Enron and Ponzi Schemes, let us commiserate with the poor old Council. That's because down at the Dog & Duck we are having problems with our own auditor.
You see, these were the minutes of the first meeting of this committee since Somerset County Council achieved its latest distinction. That is, the National Award for tossing away more taxpayers' money in Iceland than any other LibDem run Council in the whole country.
In fact, they threw away two-and-a-half times more than their closest rival for this prestigious trophy. The runners up, Cambridge, only lost a measly nine million - even less than the Audit Commission.
Needless to say there was no hint of apology or humble pie or embarassment. In fact once again there was absolutely no mention of Iceland at all.
There was, however, an astonishing crypto-criticism of ... wait for it ... the very same Audit Commission!
It went like this "... both Members and Officers expressed disappointment that the external auditors findings had been received in such proximity to the 30 September deadline ..."
Apparently this meant that " ... the nature of the discussion at the September meeting could have create (sic.) a poor perception if members of the public had been in attendance ..."
Hmm. A poor perception of what, exactly? Are they trying to say it's a good job none of us ignorant yokels were at the meeting, because they did something wrong, and the auditors actually noticed? That would be a first!
Anyway, before anyone starts cracking jokes about Enron and Ponzi Schemes, let us commiserate with the poor old Council. That's because down at the Dog & Duck we are having problems with our own auditor.
All we are trying to do is a simple summary of all the savings announced by SCC this year, and set out a broad overview of what they mean for the average Council Tax payer. It's not finished yet, but is a real proper job exercise, with a spreadsheet and everything.
Meanwhile Albert Einstein (our auditor) is still tearing his hair out because he reckons 17+140 does not equal 200, and is being a general pain in the arse. However, we will publish it this week. That's a promise. Audit or no audit.
Friday, 31 October 2008
Earth to Kershaw ...
Perhaps it was naïve, but we did expect to see some mention of investments in the latest Agenda of the Excellent Audit Committee. Down at the Dog & Duck we reckon that a cock-up of Icelandic proportions deserves at least a teeny-weeny little mention.
Under Reports, however, there is a thing called "Risk Management Update".
"Ach sooo! Zey vill haff hidden it here!" Said Albert Einstein confidently (Al's an Accountant, remember, so he knows about this stuff).
Anyway, we clicked away on the Dog & Duck computer, and lo and behold .... nothing. We found all sorts of Excellence, and discovered that SCC has lots of people called "Risk Management Champions", and plenty of other fancy talk and coloured matrices (hey! we can do colour too - look: ICELAND IRELAND ENGLAND).
But on the subject of investments or bank deposits or the like - a truly deafening silence.
However, let it not be said that Roger & Co. have passed up an opportunity to rub our noses in it. For this is the moment they chose to unveil something called the SCC Risk Management Standard, describing it as "a new addition to the Risk Management Toolkit"....
Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, counties like Leicestershire have what they call "a prudent investment policy". And in February of this year, North West Leicestershire District Council took £6.5 million out of Icelandic banks, because they thought it wasn't safe.
Now, what was Roger doing back in February 2008? Oh yes, I remember! He was feeding spaghetti to a pirate that had boarded Spaceship Somerset and was forcing everyone worship his monster.
Under Reports, however, there is a thing called "Risk Management Update".
"Ach sooo! Zey vill haff hidden it here!" Said Albert Einstein confidently (Al's an Accountant, remember, so he knows about this stuff).
Anyway, we clicked away on the Dog & Duck computer, and lo and behold .... nothing. We found all sorts of Excellence, and discovered that SCC has lots of people called "Risk Management Champions", and plenty of other fancy talk and coloured matrices (hey! we can do colour too - look: ICELAND IRELAND ENGLAND).
But on the subject of investments or bank deposits or the like - a truly deafening silence.
However, let it not be said that Roger & Co. have passed up an opportunity to rub our noses in it. For this is the moment they chose to unveil something called the SCC Risk Management Standard, describing it as "a new addition to the Risk Management Toolkit"....
Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, counties like Leicestershire have what they call "a prudent investment policy". And in February of this year, North West Leicestershire District Council took £6.5 million out of Icelandic banks, because they thought it wasn't safe.
Now, what was Roger doing back in February 2008? Oh yes, I remember! He was feeding spaghetti to a pirate that had boarded Spaceship Somerset and was forcing everyone worship his monster.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Excellent News from Sheffield!
It looks like yet another Council was not too busy waffling on about Excellence to do one of those risk assessment things.
Sheffield had £12 million in Iceland, but moved it out a year ago because they thought it was not safe. That would have been around the time Alan was in Venice, going on about getting rid of Organisational Terrorists.
As for me - it looks like I have to eat my words about Northern Councils!
Sheffield had £12 million in Iceland, but moved it out a year ago because they thought it was not safe. That would have been around the time Alan was in Venice, going on about getting rid of Organisational Terrorists.
As for me - it looks like I have to eat my words about Northern Councils!
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Roger’s Risk Assessment
Apparently not all Local Authorities are stupid. Like Somerset, East Northamptonshire Council had a load of cash stashed away in Iceland. Then they did this thing called “a risk management assessment of what was going on.” As a result their Leader was able to say "That means we didn't lose any money.”
What was Roger doing at the time? Oh yes, I remember. He was acting the part of Corporate Director of Resources, which involved
1) faffing about with groundbreaking initiatives;
1a) an enormous paycheck;
2) babbling on about Excellence;
2a) an even bigger paycheck;
3) authorising payments of £140,000;
3a) an absolutely gi-normous paycheck; and
4) Heaven only knows what else
(possibly involving brown envelopes full of £50 notes).
Then of course there was this §151 business. A little bird (naughty little bird!) told me that Roger’s Risk Assessment went something like this:
Christ! There’s all this shit going down in Taunton, and here’s poor little me acting as a §151 officer! And then there are all those things I am supposed to be §151ing. But Alan glares at me just for thinking it. And I can see him thinking and wondering if I’m an Organisational Terrorist and snarling something in my direction about how its time we had a permanent Corporate Director and did I really want to risk seeing the job “advertised externally”? And that is a risk I am not prepared to take so I better just shut up and who needs a business case anyway? So as Alan says I better focus on the big picture and important things like how to write big words in small spaces, like the words “Twenty-Five Million, One Hundred and Forty Thousand Pounds only” in that tiny little space on a Somerset County Council cheque. And if I use a biro there’s less risk to the Council that someone will alter the cheque when it gets lost. And that’s about all of §151 that any actor can take.
Anyway the Guardians and Verifiers of Excellence have also thrown millions away. So Somerset County Council were not the only ones who were too busy with Excellence to bother with “a risk management assessment of what was going on.”
And if that is Excellence, then God help Somerset when Jonesy & Co. drag us beyond it!
What was Roger doing at the time? Oh yes, I remember. He was acting the part of Corporate Director of Resources, which involved
1) faffing about with groundbreaking initiatives;
1a) an enormous paycheck;
2) babbling on about Excellence;
2a) an even bigger paycheck;
3) authorising payments of £140,000;
3a) an absolutely gi-normous paycheck; and
4) Heaven only knows what else
(possibly involving brown envelopes full of £50 notes).
Then of course there was this §151 business. A little bird (naughty little bird!) told me that Roger’s Risk Assessment went something like this:
Christ! There’s all this shit going down in Taunton, and here’s poor little me acting as a §151 officer! And then there are all those things I am supposed to be §151ing. But Alan glares at me just for thinking it. And I can see him thinking and wondering if I’m an Organisational Terrorist and snarling something in my direction about how its time we had a permanent Corporate Director and did I really want to risk seeing the job “advertised externally”? And that is a risk I am not prepared to take so I better just shut up and who needs a business case anyway? So as Alan says I better focus on the big picture and important things like how to write big words in small spaces, like the words “Twenty-Five Million, One Hundred and Forty Thousand Pounds only” in that tiny little space on a Somerset County Council cheque. And if I use a biro there’s less risk to the Council that someone will alter the cheque when it gets lost. And that’s about all of §151 that any actor can take.
Anyway the Guardians and Verifiers of Excellence have also thrown millions away. So Somerset County Council were not the only ones who were too busy with Excellence to bother with “a risk management assessment of what was going on.”
And if that is Excellence, then God help Somerset when Jonesy & Co. drag us beyond it!
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Somerset's Darkest Days
I try not to blog when my sense of humour has failed. But today, today has to become an exception.
First, a rumour that Mr. Buchanan may be innocent. There is however no confirmation of this on the Council's website. In any normal Local Authority, the news that a leading Councillor has been cleared by the Standards Board would be something to celebrate. In Somerset's darkest days we wonder whether it will even be reported. Give it time? Maybe.
But as they say in the land of Excellence, "let's park that one". It has been trumped.
There is no easy way to say this. Somerset County Council invested £25 million of our money in Icelandic banks.
In confirming this figure, the Leader of the Council is alleged by the BBC to have said "...the money represented 2.5% of the overall portfolio..." and "...the authority had always tried to be prudent and spread investments..."
£4,000,000 a year on spin, and that is the best they can come up with?
Let's re-spin it.
"2.5%"? That means the Council is sitting on £1,000,000,000 of our money (yes, nine "zeros"). That is more than £5,000 for each household. Why in the name of Alan Jones have they been putting the Council Tax up every year?
"spreading investments"? Iceland makes up 0.003% of the world's population. Somerset's investment represented £100 for every member of that population. An equivalent investment in the banking system of the United Kingdom would amount to £6,500,000,000. If every Council in the UK made a similar investment it would come to £820,000,000,000. The Financial Crisis would be over.
"prudent"? It makes you wonder where they've put the other £975,000,000 that they took from Somerset's Council Tax Payers.
Where was Roger Kershaw when BCCI went tits up? Obviously not learning any lessons. And the country wasn't even a couple of years into a credit crunch at the time (yes, "experts" reckon it started well over a year ago, but Taunton clearly did not notice).
Other councils have also been stupid and have lost money. But I don't care about other councils. They are not cramming Excellence down my throat and bringing Stars to my eyes. They are not fleecing me for the privilege of being subject to their fantasies. And as for the Plus ....
First, a rumour that Mr. Buchanan may be innocent. There is however no confirmation of this on the Council's website. In any normal Local Authority, the news that a leading Councillor has been cleared by the Standards Board would be something to celebrate. In Somerset's darkest days we wonder whether it will even be reported. Give it time? Maybe.
But as they say in the land of Excellence, "let's park that one". It has been trumped.
There is no easy way to say this. Somerset County Council invested £25 million of our money in Icelandic banks.
In confirming this figure, the Leader of the Council is alleged by the BBC to have said "...the money represented 2.5% of the overall portfolio..." and "...the authority had always tried to be prudent and spread investments..."
£4,000,000 a year on spin, and that is the best they can come up with?
Let's re-spin it.
"2.5%"? That means the Council is sitting on £1,000,000,000 of our money (yes, nine "zeros"). That is more than £5,000 for each household. Why in the name of Alan Jones have they been putting the Council Tax up every year?
"spreading investments"? Iceland makes up 0.003% of the world's population. Somerset's investment represented £100 for every member of that population. An equivalent investment in the banking system of the United Kingdom would amount to £6,500,000,000. If every Council in the UK made a similar investment it would come to £820,000,000,000. The Financial Crisis would be over.
"prudent"? It makes you wonder where they've put the other £975,000,000 that they took from Somerset's Council Tax Payers.
Where was Roger Kershaw when BCCI went tits up? Obviously not learning any lessons. And the country wasn't even a couple of years into a credit crunch at the time (yes, "experts" reckon it started well over a year ago, but Taunton clearly did not notice).
Other councils have also been stupid and have lost money. But I don't care about other councils. They are not cramming Excellence down my throat and bringing Stars to my eyes. They are not fleecing me for the privilege of being subject to their fantasies. And as for the Plus ....
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