It has been pointed out to us that without Bullying we may also have to say au revoir (sorry, that should read “adieu”, get it right Duck!) to our old friend Excellence.
As for whatever it was that would have lain “Beyond Excellence”, well without the Bully Boys to tell us we’ve reached it, that will return to the realms of Scientific Impossibility. (Hey! Maybe that will speed Albert Einstein’s return from the Loony Bin! Ed.)
You see, as we have hinted in the past (but not properly explained – yet), there is an inextricable link between Excellence and Bullying in Somerset. It’s to do with these people from London and Brussels and places like that, who send little men called “inspectors” to Somerset. We’ll get Carla to explain how it works – next time she is in Somerset.
Meanwhile, we just hope that the new members will realise that the ignorant yokels won’t even notice if they shed the plus, or even a star or two. In fact, if it means more resources for libraries, PMCs, roads, achievement, care, etc. …. then we may actually welcome it!
Showing posts with label Carla Young. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Carla Young. Show all posts
Monday, 15 June 2009
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
The Peat Moors Centre (£25,000)
You have to understand the Dog & Duck to realise why it has taken a while to get around to this one.
You see, we are just a bunch of ordinary Somerset folk, all ages, sizes and trades: teachers, grandparents, parents, former schoolkids etc.
Which is why hearing that the County Council was going to close the Peat Moors Centre (PMC) in order to save £25,000 (6th item on the list in the linked document) came like a kick in the stomach / bollocks / kidneys / all of the above.
Even now – months later, talk of the PMC causes choking throats and swollen eyes.
Many of the regulars have kids who used to love going to the place on school trips. Some of them are young enough to have actually done it themselves – they still talk about getting airsick as the bus bounced along the road from the A39 to the PMC (a definite candidate for the worst maintained public road in the South West).
Even outsiders like Carla Young were appalled, saying “but you’re lucky to have the moors, you should be celebrating them, not closing the place down!”
Is there ANY good news at all in this sorry, sorry tale? Well, the only thing we can think of is that it provides an alternative currency, or yardstick against which to judge the sordid mess they’ve got us into.
A few examples ... If 1 PMC = £25,000, then that makes:
The cost of Jonesy’s mistress? 6 PMCs
The cost of Jonesy’s post? 7 PMCs
The cost of marketing Excellence? 160 PMCs
The cost of ICElandish Excellence? 1,000 PMCs
It’s enough to make grown men vomit.
You see, we are just a bunch of ordinary Somerset folk, all ages, sizes and trades: teachers, grandparents, parents, former schoolkids etc.
Which is why hearing that the County Council was going to close the Peat Moors Centre (PMC) in order to save £25,000 (6th item on the list in the linked document) came like a kick in the stomach / bollocks / kidneys / all of the above.
Even now – months later, talk of the PMC causes choking throats and swollen eyes.
Many of the regulars have kids who used to love going to the place on school trips. Some of them are young enough to have actually done it themselves – they still talk about getting airsick as the bus bounced along the road from the A39 to the PMC (a definite candidate for the worst maintained public road in the South West).
Even outsiders like Carla Young were appalled, saying “but you’re lucky to have the moors, you should be celebrating them, not closing the place down!”
Is there ANY good news at all in this sorry, sorry tale? Well, the only thing we can think of is that it provides an alternative currency, or yardstick against which to judge the sordid mess they’ve got us into.
A few examples ... If 1 PMC = £25,000, then that makes:
The cost of Jonesy’s mistress? 6 PMCs
The cost of Jonesy’s post? 7 PMCs
The cost of marketing Excellence? 160 PMCs
The cost of ICElandish Excellence? 1,000 PMCs
It’s enough to make grown men vomit.
Monday, 16 February 2009
Public Sector Transformation Confusion
As we’ve already discussed, this week our Chief Executive Alan Jones will be showing off to the “2nd annual Public Sector Transformation Summit 2009”.
Down at the Dog and Duck, “Public Sector Transformation”, like “Beyond Excellence” itself, has become synonymous with Somerset’s very own home-grown Philosophical System: Confusionism.
We would welcome questions about Confusionism from anyone attending Jonesy’s Stream 5 tomorrow.
One recurring stream is Mathematical Confusionism. Albert Einstein, until he had a nervous breakdown trying to understand Jonesian Mathematics, was finally beginning to make some headway on this difficult topic.
Sadly, as of last week, he is no longer with us. This is because he failed to understand how it is that the answer to every question in Somerset could be “£200 million”.
Before his departure, Albert’s last words (if that is the right way to describe the constant stream of gibberish that was coming out of him as the ambulance took him away) indicated that we should not look to Science to explain Public Sector Transformation in Somerset.
Well, bless him; we’ve known for ages that it is more an Art than a Science. Or maybe it’s a Religion – given that Faith seems to be central to understanding it.
Anyway Alan will be revealing all tomorrow, and certain privileged people (Londoners, sadly, no room for us locals up there) will have an opportunity to ask some public questions about things like:
- Organisational Terrorists
- Institutional Chauvinists
- Chief Executives (Mistresses’) Pay (-Offs) (£140,000)
- Jonesian Mathematics (£200million)
- The Axis of Bull (£4million)
and so on. Alan will then be able to explain how these phenomena relate to the way in which he has sought to inflict Confusionism on us here in Somerset.
Finally, remember Carla? She went back to London after the weekend (she works there, as a Public Sector Transformer). I forgot to ask if she is going to the Lancaster Gate Summit, but if she does, you can be sure that she will have a thing or two to say to our Jonesy.
Watch out for the Ladies Alan!
Down at the Dog and Duck, “Public Sector Transformation”, like “Beyond Excellence” itself, has become synonymous with Somerset’s very own home-grown Philosophical System: Confusionism.
We would welcome questions about Confusionism from anyone attending Jonesy’s Stream 5 tomorrow.
One recurring stream is Mathematical Confusionism. Albert Einstein, until he had a nervous breakdown trying to understand Jonesian Mathematics, was finally beginning to make some headway on this difficult topic.
Sadly, as of last week, he is no longer with us. This is because he failed to understand how it is that the answer to every question in Somerset could be “£200 million”.
Before his departure, Albert’s last words (if that is the right way to describe the constant stream of gibberish that was coming out of him as the ambulance took him away) indicated that we should not look to Science to explain Public Sector Transformation in Somerset.
Well, bless him; we’ve known for ages that it is more an Art than a Science. Or maybe it’s a Religion – given that Faith seems to be central to understanding it.
Anyway Alan will be revealing all tomorrow, and certain privileged people (Londoners, sadly, no room for us locals up there) will have an opportunity to ask some public questions about things like:
- Organisational Terrorists
- Institutional Chauvinists
- Chief Executives (Mistresses’) Pay (-Offs) (£140,000)
- Jonesian Mathematics (£200million)
- The Axis of Bull (£4million)
and so on. Alan will then be able to explain how these phenomena relate to the way in which he has sought to inflict Confusionism on us here in Somerset.
Finally, remember Carla? She went back to London after the weekend (she works there, as a Public Sector Transformer). I forgot to ask if she is going to the Lancaster Gate Summit, but if she does, you can be sure that she will have a thing or two to say to our Jonesy.
Watch out for the Ladies Alan!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)