SAP it?

We’re having trouble understanding why everyone is getting their knickers in a twist about the SAP.

It’s only a computer system, after all, and the Council’s computer systems seem to be up and down like a tart’s … er, well … a lot anyway. Every time you ‘phone one of those infamous 0845 numbers about anything these days, they always seem to say ‘sorry love, the computers are down’, before explaining that in any case they can’t do anything for anyone about anything, because even though they’ve recorded everything about everyone, they haven’t yet been told anything about anything.

OK, so maybe SAP doesn’t have a great track record elsewhere, but nowhere else is “the best on the planet”, is it?

Also, no-one else can boast the resourcing that “the best on the planet” is able to provide. Take the Council Tax. It went up by 2.7%, against inflation of 0.5%. Even in Albert Einstein’s (hopefully temporary) absence, we can still work out that this means an extra £4,294,114 to spend on SAP (190,000 taxpayers, average tax of £1,027.30, 2.2% margin over inflation).

And if you add the £4,000,000 they’ve saved by cuts to libraries, roads, achievement, care, the PMC, etc., then that is WELL OVER £8,000,000 to spend on flying in armies of Bangalori analysts and programmers to work furiously in Taunton basements.

All this, of course, is in addition to the efforts of the “SuperUsers”, who swoop up and down the corridors of County Hall, capes swirling, fingers gliding over keyboards and elsewhere, soothing digital distress.

And as if that were not enough, there are all those key managers wandering around monitoring progress, logging disasters and having meetings in a place they call the War Room, about keys and other essential “issues around” security and data and stuff like that. Meetings have a proven track record of coming up with evidence of Excellence in the face of reality, and we are confident that the keys are being well managed.

Remember also that these guys are used to managing on the brink of chaos – according to Jonesy’s presentations around the world, they’ve been doing it for years.

So there may be a bit more confusion around than usual, but luckily we are dealing with committed partners here, so where’s the problem?

Off yer Bike!

There seems to be a desperate scramble to find genuine (as opposed to "Excellent") savings in Taunton. Withdrawing all national newspapers from Somerset libraries will save the equivalent of 0.25% of the cost of running the Council's spin machine, but who are the victims this time?

The geriatric lobby is already up in arms (hardly surprising to those of us who recall rows of pensioners busy reading the things on a daily basis).

The tight gits will have to buy their own now!

But what about jobseekers?

A spokesman for SCC said that the council will continue to provide local newspapers (big deal - most of them are free anyway! Ed.) "to give everybody access to job adverts".

However, a spokesman for the Dog & Duck said that it is not appropriate for the County Council to assume that Somerset people are only good enough for local jobs, and that a lot of young people, in particular, are prepared to travel outside the area to find work.

'Tis strange how often bikes are in the frame these days ....

The Peat Moors Centre (£25,000)

You have to understand the Dog & Duck to realise why it has taken a while to get around to this one.

You see, we are just a bunch of ordinary Somerset folk, all ages, sizes and trades: teachers, grandparents, parents, former schoolkids etc.

Which is why hearing that the County Council was going to close the Peat Moors Centre (PMC) in order to save £25,000 (6th item on the list in the linked document) came like a kick in the stomach / bollocks / kidneys / all of the above.

Even now – months later, talk of the PMC causes choking throats and swollen eyes.

Many of the regulars have kids who used to love going to the place on school trips. Some of them are young enough to have actually done it themselves – they still talk about getting airsick as the bus bounced along the road from the A39 to the PMC (a definite candidate for the worst maintained public road in the South West).

Even outsiders like Carla Young were appalled, saying “but you’re lucky to have the moors, you should be celebrating them, not closing the place down!”

Is there ANY good news at all in this sorry, sorry tale? Well, the only thing we can think of is that it provides an alternative currency, or yardstick against which to judge the sordid mess they’ve got us into.

A few examples ... If 1 PMC = £25,000, then that makes:

The cost of Jonesy’s mistress? 6 PMCs

The cost of Jonesy’s post? 7 PMCs

The cost of marketing Excellence? 160 PMCs

The cost of ICElandish Excellence? 1,000 PMCs

It’s enough to make grown men vomit.

Wires Crossed in County Hall?

Or is it, as Postman (not very PC) Pat suggested, "that lot just ain't wired right!"

The Dog & Duck mailbox has received a link to this astonishing document.

It seems that certain people at SCC have put an awful lot of work into working out CUTS TO SERVICES worth about £4 million!

Our initial observations are twofold. First, why do they need to make cuts when they have spent the last six months going on about how they have saved hundreds of millions of pounds? (And most of them thanks to SouthWest One, which, unlike some SomerBloggers, we have scrupulously avoided criticising - so far!)

... Give SouthWest One a chance, we told ourselves. Perhaps it is true that it is going to save us £200million ....

Anyway, our second observation is more of a question. The £4million hit-list targets things like "community", "care", "achievement", "transport" ... even "drainage" and "ditch clearance" (we thought they'd given up on that years ago, despite all the flooding we get!).

So, they are planning to cut things that we need, and care about. If they really want to make cuts in spite of all the savings, and in spite of the fact that they are sitting on A BILLION POUNDS of our money ... Why don't they get rid of the £4million spin department?

Sorry for all the links in today's post, but some serious inconsistencies are beginning to appear. We only hope this does not mean that the "it's all lies" faction have been right all along ....