Another Somerset County Councillor has got into trouble, and there seems to be quite a lot of glee about it in the SomerBlogging community. It seems the chap in the slurry pit this time is one of Jonesy's mates.
But I, for one, am not interested. The thing I want to know is: how was the Buchanan issue concluded? You know, Cornwall's troublesome "question 3".
Most of us will recall how shifty Jones became when the subject of his relationship with the Standards Board came up on TV (West Eye View, 24/07/08). He was accused of using the Standards Board to get rid of Councillor Buchanan, and eventually put his hands up to it.
Somerset County Council continues to batten down the hatches on information, so as usual we will have to spell it out. Since they are obviously good at ticking boxes, perhaps these will help:
Have the complaints against Cllr Buchanan been upheld by the Standards Board?
Yes c
No c
If the answer is "yes" then we can make our sincerest apologies to Alan Jones for casting aspersions, and blame the Standards Board for not getting their fingers out. Their incompetence will have caused Jonesy a great deal of aggro.
On the other hand, if the tick goes in the "no" box ... (It is so simple isn't it? "Yes" or "No"), then the next question asks itself. Were the complaints the result of incompetence or malice?
Jonesy himself told us on TV how the complaints originated. In his own words, "evidence was gathered from people who supplied it willingly". He admitted that he himself then submitted that evidence to the Standards Board. In other words, he made the decision that the evidence gathered warranted investigation.
This decision was made by someone who costs us at least £160,000 per year (about £1 for every Council Tax payer), just to be in post. It was made by someone who also spends thousands of our pounds on legal advice every year, and who bought himself TWO new in-house lawyers this summer (a big one earning "up to £84,000" and a little one earning "up to £61,000").
So I say again: was this decision incompetent, or was it malicious?
Either way, there is a clear case for impeachment. No golden parachute. Not a penny more!
Tuesday 30 September 2008
Monday 29 September 2008
Anal Retention
As I predicted, Cornwall does not display any of the symptoms of this ghastly Somerset condition.
Most of us have the greatest respect for Cornwall - the place, the people, and even the Council. Unlike some SomerBloggers, I knew there was no hope they’d take Jonesy off our hands.
Instead, we should be looking to the North for salvation. I hear that there are hundreds of little known boroughs and municipalities where abuse of power and misuse of public funds are endemic. Jonesy and his crew would fit like noodly appendages in rubber gloves.
Most of us have the greatest respect for Cornwall - the place, the people, and even the Council. Unlike some SomerBloggers, I knew there was no hope they’d take Jonesy off our hands.
Instead, we should be looking to the North for salvation. I hear that there are hundreds of little known boroughs and municipalities where abuse of power and misuse of public funds are endemic. Jonesy and his crew would fit like noodly appendages in rubber gloves.
Alternatively, Somerset could go for something genuinely innovative in English Local Government - impeachment.
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Only £20?
Many people would find it difficult to spend a council’s Information Presentation Budget in a rural county of half a million citizens.
Especially when those citizens are not known for their sophistication. And especially when the amounts involved – were they to be spent on matters of substance - would pretty much pay for a whole Somerset District!
Well, the good news is that our Simon will have plenty of help in spending the £4 million a year Somerset County Council spin budget.
According to information from County Hall, The “Head of Communications” has no less than three “Marketing & Communications Managers”, none of whom are to be confused with the “Communications & Marketing Manager” (spot the difference!).
In addition to this lot, there are two “Access & Communications Managers” who between them deal with “Publications”, “Media”, “Reputation”, and “Branding”.
Now, there may only be six spin managers, but they require an awful lot of support from people with Titles like:
- Events Coordinator
- Media Analyst
- PR Officer
- Communications Officer
- Press Officer
- PR & Communications Officer
- Communications & Media Officer
- Assistant PR, Communications, Media & Press Officer
- etc. etc. (you get the picture, right?)
They are all busy explaining away Jonesy’s words and deeds to the people of $omerset and b€yond. Clearly Excellence is not a product that sells itself!
The bad news is that SCC has flatly refused to fund a new smoking room down at the Dog & Duck, and our annual budget remains at £NIL. We are all disappointed with the lack of cooperation. It seems that on board Jonesy’s ship …
“The spirit of partnership is weaker than the spirit of independence”
Alan Jones, Chief Executive of Somerset County Council, Venice, 2007
… as his Excellency himself once pontificated.
Especially when those citizens are not known for their sophistication. And especially when the amounts involved – were they to be spent on matters of substance - would pretty much pay for a whole Somerset District!
Well, the good news is that our Simon will have plenty of help in spending the £4 million a year Somerset County Council spin budget.
According to information from County Hall, The “Head of Communications” has no less than three “Marketing & Communications Managers”, none of whom are to be confused with the “Communications & Marketing Manager” (spot the difference!).
In addition to this lot, there are two “Access & Communications Managers” who between them deal with “Publications”, “Media”, “Reputation”, and “Branding”.
Now, there may only be six spin managers, but they require an awful lot of support from people with Titles like:
- Events Coordinator
- Media Analyst
- PR Officer
- Communications Officer
- Press Officer
- PR & Communications Officer
- Communications & Media Officer
- Assistant PR, Communications, Media & Press Officer
- etc. etc. (you get the picture, right?)
They are all busy explaining away Jonesy’s words and deeds to the people of $omerset and b€yond. Clearly Excellence is not a product that sells itself!
The bad news is that SCC has flatly refused to fund a new smoking room down at the Dog & Duck, and our annual budget remains at £NIL. We are all disappointed with the lack of cooperation. It seems that on board Jonesy’s ship …
“The spirit of partnership is weaker than the spirit of independence”
Alan Jones, Chief Executive of Somerset County Council, Venice, 2007
… as his Excellency himself once pontificated.
Friday 12 September 2008
An Excellent team?
A Big Thank You to the Official Alan Jones Blog for introducing the latest member of the Explaining Excellence Team:
http://theofficialalanjonesblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/big-hitters.html
Down at the Dog & Duck we went over Simon’s job description again. Most of it is the usual incomprehensible Excellence bullshit, but amongst the "Main Responsibilities and Duties" we found this hairy old chestnut “To ensure effective working relationships with relevant partners”.
Now, who could be more relevant than the regulars down at the Dog & Duck? And me and Anon are only the spokespersons, remember that there’s a whole team of us down here! We are all looking forward to working with Simon on the difficult task of explaining Excellence to the ignorant people of Somerset.
With a salary of £70K (50% of £140K as Albert Einstein pointed out), and an annual budget of £4 million, we could really face up to The Challenge.
As you may remember, Al is a famous mathematician who is currently struggling with Jonesian Paradigms.
Then there is Pat, the famous philanderer, who always rings twice. Pat has been able to explain things about Jonesy that the rest of us would never have thought of. (Trailer!: Without Pat, Anon would never have been able to work out what Jonesy got up to in the bar one night after a hard day at the BT conference that got Mr. Buchanan into so much trouble … http://joiningthedotz.blogspot.com/)
And don’t forget Daffer, the famous sailor, who will help us to understand Jonesy’s nautical illusions. Being myopic, Daffer is also well placed to understand key concepts such as Jonesian Loyalty, which are the crucial building blocks of Excellence.
Anyway, in the spirit of partnership, we have asked Simon if he could spare some of his £4million to build us an outdoor smoking room down at the Dog & Duck, where Daffer can smoke his pipe. He needs it to calm down, poor chap – it is stressful sharing a surname with Alan.
http://theofficialalanjonesblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/big-hitters.html
Down at the Dog & Duck we went over Simon’s job description again. Most of it is the usual incomprehensible Excellence bullshit, but amongst the "Main Responsibilities and Duties" we found this hairy old chestnut “To ensure effective working relationships with relevant partners”.
Now, who could be more relevant than the regulars down at the Dog & Duck? And me and Anon are only the spokespersons, remember that there’s a whole team of us down here! We are all looking forward to working with Simon on the difficult task of explaining Excellence to the ignorant people of Somerset.
With a salary of £70K (50% of £140K as Albert Einstein pointed out), and an annual budget of £4 million, we could really face up to The Challenge.
As you may remember, Al is a famous mathematician who is currently struggling with Jonesian Paradigms.
Then there is Pat, the famous philanderer, who always rings twice. Pat has been able to explain things about Jonesy that the rest of us would never have thought of. (Trailer!: Without Pat, Anon would never have been able to work out what Jonesy got up to in the bar one night after a hard day at the BT conference that got Mr. Buchanan into so much trouble … http://joiningthedotz.blogspot.com/)
And don’t forget Daffer, the famous sailor, who will help us to understand Jonesy’s nautical illusions. Being myopic, Daffer is also well placed to understand key concepts such as Jonesian Loyalty, which are the crucial building blocks of Excellence.
Anyway, in the spirit of partnership, we have asked Simon if he could spare some of his £4million to build us an outdoor smoking room down at the Dog & Duck, where Daffer can smoke his pipe. He needs it to calm down, poor chap – it is stressful sharing a surname with Alan.
Friday 5 September 2008
Don't rely on Cornwall!
Sorry to put a dampener on all the excitement generated by Jonesy’s bid for the Cornwall job … but we have to be realistic.
By the Law of Unintended Consequences, all these blogs and YouTube videos, born as they were of frustration, and sharing a desperation to get Jonesy out of Somerset, may have the opposite effect.
If the Cornwall selectors do their job properly they will certainly happen upon the West Eye View programme, not to mention these blogs. They be asking questions such as the three I put to the Local Government Chronicle as being worthy of answers …
(1) Is it the case that during 2005/2006 the Manager of the ISiS Project made complaints of harassment or similar against the Chief Executive of Somerset County Council?
(2) Is it the case that, after several months' absence on sick leave, the Manager of the ISiS Project subsequently received a severance payment of an amount in the region of £140,000 from Somerset County Council?
(3) Is it the case that during 2007, and again during 2008, the Chief Executive of Somerset County Council made a number of complaints to the Standards Board about Councillor Paul Buchanan (who had been deputy leader of the ruling group prior to the first complaints), and that the Standards Board has either declined to investigate, or has investigated but failed to uphold, all of these complaints?
Neither Somerset County Council nor Jonesy himself seem to have done anything to deny or clarify any of the above, but sadly I don’t think that will be good enough for the Cornwall selectors.
And these three questions are only the beginning. They lead unhappily into the whole sorry story about misuse of public funds, dodgy management, abuse of position and what have you. In Somerset, like Liverpool before us, we have come to take these things for granted. We have also come to accept that straight questions will not get straight answers from Jonesy and his crew.
However the Cornwall selectors do not have to accept this. In fact they would run a grave risk in appointing Jonesy while there are so many unanswered questions about his conduct and competence circulating in public. Somerset’s selectors, back in 2003, could at least plead that they had no knowledge of such issues.
Another thing to remember is that Cornwall did not get to where it is today by alienating over 80% of the population.
But all is not lost! This may be the perfect opportunity to finally get some answers. And who knows, if Jonesy really wants the Cornwall job then they may turn out to good and honest answers.
By the Law of Unintended Consequences, all these blogs and YouTube videos, born as they were of frustration, and sharing a desperation to get Jonesy out of Somerset, may have the opposite effect.
If the Cornwall selectors do their job properly they will certainly happen upon the West Eye View programme, not to mention these blogs. They be asking questions such as the three I put to the Local Government Chronicle as being worthy of answers …
(1) Is it the case that during 2005/2006 the Manager of the ISiS Project made complaints of harassment or similar against the Chief Executive of Somerset County Council?
(2) Is it the case that, after several months' absence on sick leave, the Manager of the ISiS Project subsequently received a severance payment of an amount in the region of £140,000 from Somerset County Council?
(3) Is it the case that during 2007, and again during 2008, the Chief Executive of Somerset County Council made a number of complaints to the Standards Board about Councillor Paul Buchanan (who had been deputy leader of the ruling group prior to the first complaints), and that the Standards Board has either declined to investigate, or has investigated but failed to uphold, all of these complaints?
Neither Somerset County Council nor Jonesy himself seem to have done anything to deny or clarify any of the above, but sadly I don’t think that will be good enough for the Cornwall selectors.
And these three questions are only the beginning. They lead unhappily into the whole sorry story about misuse of public funds, dodgy management, abuse of position and what have you. In Somerset, like Liverpool before us, we have come to take these things for granted. We have also come to accept that straight questions will not get straight answers from Jonesy and his crew.
However the Cornwall selectors do not have to accept this. In fact they would run a grave risk in appointing Jonesy while there are so many unanswered questions about his conduct and competence circulating in public. Somerset’s selectors, back in 2003, could at least plead that they had no knowledge of such issues.
Another thing to remember is that Cornwall did not get to where it is today by alienating over 80% of the population.
But all is not lost! This may be the perfect opportunity to finally get some answers. And who knows, if Jonesy really wants the Cornwall job then they may turn out to good and honest answers.
Wednesday 3 September 2008
Creating Excellence (lesson 69)
It is September 2008, and time to recover our sense of humour, so as to fuel a renewed effort to get to grips with Excellence in Somerset.
Albert is still struggling to reconcile himself to Jonesy’s latest figures, and Daffer’s in a strop about the Spaghetti Monster, so it’s time to introduce Pat, another of the regulars down at the Dog & Duck.
Pat is a Postman (of course), and like Jonesy, likes a bit. He is also like Jonesy in that people make irreverent videos about him on youtube – see here.
Anyway, one morning last summer (actually it was at 10.04 am local time on 25th June 2007, not that this information was leaked from a County Council surveillance unit or anything) Postie Pat was making a delivery at a certain address in Somerset.
According to Pat, the door was opened by a goddess in a negligée, exuding come-hither vibes like one of Jonesy’s office girls. Sadly the spell was quickly broken by an almighty outburst of squawking from inside the house, followed by a high-pitched voice proclaiming:
“As a Four Star the most you can get Excellent Authority with a Positive direction of travel …”
“Don’t worry about that, Pat,” said the goddess, “it’s only my husband.”
“Your HUSBAND?”
“Well, his parrot actually.”
“His p-p-parrot?” Pat stammered.
“Yeah, his parrot, OK? He hears Rupert learning his lines, then he repeats it. It’s what parrots DO, alright?”
“Right, right, so your husband’s an actor is he? Away making a movie somewhere … a long way away … ?” Pat’s voice would have tailed off in a mixture of dwindling hope, now battered with the confusion and bewilderment that follows Excellence everywhere.
“No you idiot, he works at County Hall! He’s Acting Assistant Strategic Director of Strategy. Now are we going to have sex or what?”
According to Pat, after this passion-smothering series of revelations he immediately scarpered; like a postman who’s accidentally gone walkabout in the grounds of a loony bin patrolled by Dobermans. Of course, at the time none of us believed this, or indeed any part of his story.
But we are better informed now, if none the wiser!
Albert is still struggling to reconcile himself to Jonesy’s latest figures, and Daffer’s in a strop about the Spaghetti Monster, so it’s time to introduce Pat, another of the regulars down at the Dog & Duck.
Pat is a Postman (of course), and like Jonesy, likes a bit. He is also like Jonesy in that people make irreverent videos about him on youtube – see here.
Anyway, one morning last summer (actually it was at 10.04 am local time on 25th June 2007, not that this information was leaked from a County Council surveillance unit or anything) Postie Pat was making a delivery at a certain address in Somerset.
According to Pat, the door was opened by a goddess in a negligée, exuding come-hither vibes like one of Jonesy’s office girls. Sadly the spell was quickly broken by an almighty outburst of squawking from inside the house, followed by a high-pitched voice proclaiming:
“As a Four Star the most you can get Excellent Authority with a Positive direction of travel …”
“Don’t worry about that, Pat,” said the goddess, “it’s only my husband.”
“Your HUSBAND?”
“Well, his parrot actually.”
“His p-p-parrot?” Pat stammered.
“Yeah, his parrot, OK? He hears Rupert learning his lines, then he repeats it. It’s what parrots DO, alright?”
“Right, right, so your husband’s an actor is he? Away making a movie somewhere … a long way away … ?” Pat’s voice would have tailed off in a mixture of dwindling hope, now battered with the confusion and bewilderment that follows Excellence everywhere.
“No you idiot, he works at County Hall! He’s Acting Assistant Strategic Director of Strategy. Now are we going to have sex or what?”
According to Pat, after this passion-smothering series of revelations he immediately scarpered; like a postman who’s accidentally gone walkabout in the grounds of a loony bin patrolled by Dobermans. Of course, at the time none of us believed this, or indeed any part of his story.
But we are better informed now, if none the wiser!
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